A 3-part series of blog posts about my journey from marathon mayhem, to triathlon desperation, to reaching a point of satisfied surrender.
So I'm now a little over the seven-year mark with running, with this past year my stint with triathlons.
As for the running, there have been many 5-mile runs, long runs, 20-mile weeks, 40-mile weeks (not too many of those), track workouts (but not in the last few years!), registering for races, new shoes, socks, running clothes, Gu's and energy bars. There have been headphones and ipod shuffles (had to replace them a couple of times because they break from sweat or they've made it into the washer). There have been injuries, orthopedic doctors, physical therapists, a chiropractor and deep tissue massages. There have been many post-run Starbucks with friends. And there have been finish lines. I'm so grateful I experienced the world of running--the pain, the fun, the disappointment, the personal victories.
As for triathlons? Oh, you know...well, uh....
But hey--I knew when I decided to do Ironman Texas that I probably wasn't going to fall in love with triathlons. If I was already struggling with the point of running races, was there really any chance that I would just miraculously fall head over heals for a race that adds two more disciplines? (Let me just stress that I'm talking about my own personal questioning of the point of races--the point for me to continue with them, not everyone in general. Obviously, I have loved races. This is about my own personal journey. Just want to be clear on that so no one gets riled up!)
I was ready to be done. I decided it was time to be done. For two reasons:
One--I'm just not the runner at the starting line who's there for the experience. I thrived on goals. And if I'm not going for a PR or preparing for a future PR, then the interest just isn't there for me. And the me that would put in the intensity needed for PRs is gone--gone after my injury and all of my progress erased, and gone because my L4/L5 disc is a shaky spot that can no longer handle the amount of weekly miles necessary to start over again and attempt a PR marathon. That disc is a pillow with half the feathers gone, a flat tire, a reduced-fat jelly donut. (I love analogies about my half-disc.) And the vertebrae around it are becoming compromised and showing edema--the glaring white part on L4 of my MRI. Yes, a doctor I saw one year after the surgery did say I could keep running to my heart's content, but he also said my days as a long-distance runner were numbered--that I would begin to feel straight-up, "regular" back pain. Not the crazy, scary nerve pain I experienced with the herniation explosion, but pain from running with half a disc now. (You read Part One and Part Two, right?) And I am in fact starting to feel what the doctor spoke of--pain. On a recent 20-mile run I did to prepare for IMTX, I felt like the L4/L5 spot was actually swollen afterwards.
There's just not a PR marathon again in my future. So why not focus on half marathons or 10Ks or whatever? Well, to be honest, because they intimidate me. I like finish lines that are far away. I get more nervous and worked up at the starting line of a 5K than of a marathon. Running fast like that is so hard for me, and my time on those kinds of races makes me feel so exposed if I don't do myself proud. So if it ain't the marathon, then I ain't interested!
And two--well, hang on for a minute with reason two. Let me make my way to IMTX.
So, yes, I was ready to be done with races, but I wanted to go out with a bang, and since the bang couldn't be a marathon PR, then I needed to find something drastically different. And that's why I decided to do an ironman. IMTX was to be my swan song.
A swan song that almost didn't play!
On the evening of May 10th, eleven days before the race, I lifted a pile of laundry, and my back started to hurt. Then the next morning, I ran eight miles anyway, like an idiot, and the pain continued. Okay, don't panic yet; ten days till the race. There's time for this little tweak to heal. It's okay. But what if it's more than a tweak? What if I've re-herniated, or what if one of my other bulging discs herniated? What if I'm totally f---ed?
Please note: I know this back stuff is detailed, long and probably boring, so if you want to skip down and just read about IMTX and see the pictures I totally understand. I have to talk about it, though, because it's part of my story.
So for four days, I did nothing but rest, ice, heat and Alleve. Quite a taper I had going for the race. Then I saw a spine specialist here in Austin on the 16th to discuss possibly taking some steroid pills or getting a shot. And I thought while I was there seeing this new doctor, why not bring my MRI from a year ago that I had taken 10 months after the surgery? Just see his take on it? Last year, I had tweaked my back, just like this time, and I was paranoid I might have re-herniated, just like this time, so I saw a spine specialist in The Woodlands (the one who said I could still run to my heart's content). He's not the one who did my surgery, though. Dr. Heilman, in Houston, did. I don't know why I didn't go back to Heilman. Well, yes I do; I was lazy to drive down to Houston and sit in that waiting room that was always packed and slow. Dumb. I should have gone back to Dr. Heilman, the guy who actually opened me up and fixed my back, and this present confusion I'm about to discuss probably wouldn't be happening.
So I'm in my room, waiting to speak with the Austin spine guy. The nurse has given him my MRI, and I know he's looking at it before he comes in to meet me and discuss. And when he does come in, he begins to talk about my re-herniation, like I know about it, like it's old news. Huh? What re-herniation? I'm here to talk with you about some back pain I'm having six days out from my ironman, to discuss pain-management options. And I just brought that old MRI to show you, to see what you thought about my back in general and my running future in general. You think my back has re-herniated?
Yes, that's what he thought. Emotion starts to build. And confusion. I told him about my visit with The Woodlands doctor who ordered this past MRI and that he never mentioned I had re-herniated. He had said it was an ugly MRI, but that of course it was--that this is what happened to my back ten months prior. The Austin doctor was saying no, though--that this was not what my back's MRI should be looking like ten months after my surgery. And his whole mood during this appointment was not about what to do about my ironman in six days, but more about my future and my quality of life. But before all of this serious conversation had begun, I had already opened up with my speech that IMTX was the end for me--that I was going to retire afterwards. He said he was glad to hear I was already in that mindset because that's what he was about to suggest--for me to quit running. And then he went into the re-herniation talk. And then came my emotion. (Yes, I cried. Now my third time to cry in front of a spine guy.)
Yes, I was planning to retire, but I meant from races and long-distance runs. Not running altogether. What is this guy saying? I should stop completely? What? I was still planning on 5-mile runs a couple of times a week. Sometimes the 7-mile loop around Town Lake. Still feeling the high, escaping with my cheesy tunes on my ipod. And what about the occasional, 8 to 10 mile run with my Woodlands friends when I was visiting? None of it? I should be done completely?
The appointment ended with us deciding that I would show up for the race I had put so much effort into for the last year (well, not the swimming), give it a shot, and drop out if there were any sign of trouble brewing in my spine. And then be done.
These final days before the IM were turning out to be rather crappy!
I sent out a dramatic email to my friends, letting them know what was going on and that I had no idea if I would be able to complete the race and that after IMTX, I would be done with running forever. I was on the phone with my concerned parents. I was feeling sorry for myself. And just feeling confused--one doctor saying, "You're okay, you can go on running until the back pain eventually sets in. The other doctor saying, "You've re-herniated and just need to be done and protect what's left of your back." Which was it, damn it?
Alright! Enough of that. And now, Ironman Texas!!!
Ironman Texas--May 21st, The Woodlands: Time--14:02:27. That's right, I did it. All of that final mayhem--hurt back, doctor, crying, zero swims, rides or runs for the last nine days before the race....all that craziness and my back ended up being fine. The usual achiness, yes, but nothing more. So some details on my race experience....
The Swim. Time--1:34:34
It was wild. About 2600 of us all at once together. Lots of bumping into each other and having to stop and start over again. And then there's me with my defiant, unorthodox sidestroke. I breaststroke, too, but mostly, I swim like an octopus or a jellyfish. (See videos.) I sidestroke because I'm too lazy to learn and practice freestyle and join a masters swim or tri group, so when I try to freestyle, I get so out of breath and tired. I love being able to keep my face out of the water and get that moment of gliding rest in the sidestroke. And breaststroke. And I'm not making this up: During the sea of freestylers around me, a guy joked with me, "That's not fair that you're sidestroking while we're all out here freestyling." So funny. I do look very out of place.
Transition 1. Time--7:11
I changed into my bike shorts with the thicker padding, put on a tank top, had a volunteer put an icy hot gel sticker thingy on my back......it was practically a full wardrobe change. Why the hell not?
The Bike. Time--7:07:42The downside of my sidestroke and having my head above the surface the entire swim is that I can potentially swallow a lot of water. And I did. As soon as I got on the bike, I had a painful side-stitch that just wouldn't go away, making me not want to eat or drink. But I knew I had to, or I would be in big trouble during the run, so I forced it all down every hour, sticking with my calorie and fluids plan. Finally around mile 70, the stitch went away. I stopped to use the bathroom three times during the ride, with one of those times also to adjust my front wheel that I realized a little before 20 miles was rubbing against the brake. Idiot. At one of my bathroom stops, the volunteers were saying biker down. I saw the guy; his elbows were bloody and his bike shorts were torn with road rash on his rear, but he was okay. Someone told me he had just been hit by a car and dragged. Then I noticed the driver on the other side of the road speaking with the police. So scary. And the rider's bike was possibly okay, too. He and a race official were pondering about him continuing on. Wow. I also had a guy next to me lose control of his bike and fall. I had to swerve a little. Me and another guy unclipped and asked if he was okay. He was, and grumpily wanted nothing to do with us. So off I went. Anyhow, a couple of crazy moments during this crazy day.
Without a doubt, I would have had a tough ride if not for my time with Tough Cookies and the ladies I became friends with in that cycling club. I felt prepared and confident during the headwind on the second half of the ride, and the hills of this course were more like inclines compared to what I had been doing in Austin with Tough Cookies. So thank you so much, Ladies. Couldn't have done it without you!
Without a doubt, I would have had a tough ride if not for my time with Tough Cookies and the ladies I became friends with in that cycling club. I felt prepared and confident during the headwind on the second half of the ride, and the hills of this course were more like inclines compared to what I had been doing in Austin with Tough Cookies. So thank you so much, Ladies. Couldn't have done it without you!
Transition 2. Time--6:49
Got to see my dad as I walked my bike into T2. I knew this was his plan, and it worked out great. Saw and talked to him again a few minutes later as I set out on the marathon.
The Run. Time--5:06:11
Very happy to be off the bike and beginning the miserably hot and humid marathon. Ha! It was so great to have so many friendly faces on the course who knew me from The Woodlands Running Club. And the faces who didn't know me, too. All of the volunteers and crowd support were so enthusiastic and amazing. The aid stations were fully stocked with everything a runner could need. And we needed it all! Or I did at least. It was a hot, humid day. Can't complain about it, though. We all knew going into this, that IMTX would have challenging weather. I'm still confused about the May date, though. And it's May again next year. Whatevah! I poured ice cubes down my sports bra at practically every aid station, and it would be completely melted by the time I reached the next one. I squeezed cold sponges over my head a lot. I drank everything--water, sports drink, chicken broth and coke. I held three cups at once sometimes, not really having a clue what I should be doing at that point. By the third lap, I just didn't want to drink or eat anything anymore. Around mile 24, feelings of throwing up began, but luckily it didn't happen.
The Finish Line
I loved it. I had it all to myself. Lights shining on me, people cheering, music blaring (my song was "Where the Streets Have No Name"). I've never had a finish line experience like that before. It was awesome. A lot of work for that brief moment, but it was worth it. And what about my friend Sharon and her quest to complete IMTX? Did she make it? Yes, she made it, too. She totally rocks.Back to my back for a minute. While I like that Austin spine doctor, and he has an impressive background, I just don't think he was right that I've been walking around with a re-herniation for the last year. I think I just hurt my back picking up the laundry a few weeks ago...and now I'm fine again. Or I don't know! Whatever. BUT--he was right-on in that I'm 36 years old with one really messed up disc and another one on its way--that I need to be smart and preserve and protect where my back is right now. Another BUT--I don't think I need to quit running altogether, though, like he suggested; I think I can carry out my original retirement plan of recreational, short runs. Like 12 miles total per week.
So what does the title of this blog post series mean? Who's "Waiting for the End?" (Besides Linkin Park, who wrote this song I love to run to.) Well, that's where reason number two comes in for why I'm retiring from races...
I couldn't have done any of these marathons, triathlons and other craziness without my husband Chad. For a chunk of time now, he's been watching the girls for me--while I'm at track (the beginning years, at least), while I'm out on my long runs, or more recently--while I'm out on these bike rides that take half the day. He's listened to me rattle on about things he could care less about. He's been driving me to various starting lines. For seven years, he's been a runner's husband. And a pseudo triathlete's husband. It gets really old!!!And then my girlies, Parker and Bridget. I think they'd enjoy Mommy being done with races. How she's distracted by them, training for them, planning for them, worrying about them...
So it's the four of us--our little family unit--that have all been waiting for the end. And now we've arrived. I've reached a point of satisfied surrender. See ya, Races. As my mom likes to quote from a movie, "It's been a slice..."
Thinking of doing an ironman? Here's what it cost me. And Chad. And I didn't have to buy a bike or a wetsuit!
Events: IMTX--$625
AVIA Austin olympic--$140
IronStar half iron--$125
MS150: registration--$100, personal donation--$40, Fauna Extreme donation--$25, hotel room--$50 (shared with someone), ticket to ride bus to Houston--$20?
Tough Cookies: joining cycling group--$100, joining their MS150 team--$150
Rosedale ride--$35
Spokes and Spurs ride--$35
Magnolia Miles ride--$35
Shiner GASP ride--$55
Open water swim practice in Lake Woodlands--$35
Total for events--$1670
Shopping: Bike Lane: Total--$155. first fitting, shoes, cleats for shoes, then I left my shoes at transition at Lonestar, so I had to buy them and cleats again--idiot, Aero Drink bottle, nutrition stuff, etc...
--Bike Resource: $20. Minor bike repair.
--Sports Authority: Total--$150. tire pump, sunglasses, swim cap, new sports bra
--Luke's Locker: Total--$310. shoes, swim mask (not a goggles gal), then left mask and cap at gym, so had to replace--idiot, socks, gels, bars, etc...
--Jack and Adams: Total--$65. gels, bars, Perpeteum. Lost the straw to my Aero Drink so had to buy the parts kit ($10)--dumb -ss.
--Bicycle Sports Shop: Total--$427. Second fitting, new stem to get me closer to handle bars--got me 5cm closer--thank you!, tuneup, booties, winter gloves, new shorts, sun sleeves (bought right before the race, then didn't use) nutritional stuff, etc...
--REI: Total--$104. Tire changing stuff, bike cleaning stuff, nutritional stuff, etc...
--Sun and Ski: Total--$50. new hat, another bike satchel/bento box, nutrition
--RiverSports: Total--$50. 2 pairs of arm warmers. One was a gift to Sharon. :)
--Austin Tricyclist: Total--$38. Lost my swim mask again (so a total of 3 masks purchased. Total spaz.), and more nutrition crap.
--Rogue Equipment: Total--$100. shoes, nutrition.
--Lane Four: $80. swim stuff (fins, pull buoy, kick board, etc...) that I didn't use enough.
--HEB: I bought a lot of Clif Shot Blox and bars here. $50?
--CVS Pharmacy: $35. New sunglasses. Thought I had lost my other ones, so bought cheap pair here because I just don't deserve to own an expensive pair, I've lost so many. Later found the pricier ones. Again...idiot. Then, right before the race--2 icy hot patches for my back, NuSkin because I tripped on a metal light thingy at Town Green Park and sliced my big toe open, sleeping pills, Powerade.
Total: $1634
Misc.: Rollingwood swimming pool, winter membership--$400 (Don't ask me how many times I swam there. My top moment of stupidity.)
Massages: Thank you, Mom!!! And Chris (Chad's mom)!!!
Renting a car because I had to leave Austin a day before Chad and the girls, and I didn't want to drive back to Austin alone on Sun. after the race (how diva is that?): $100
Gas: lots of driving to these events and training rides. $300?
Doctors: PCP--$25 copay, spine specialist--$45 copay, one physical therapist session--$45 copay. Pain med Meloxicam--$4. Total--$119
Total: $919
Total: $919
Cost for Sarah to do Ironman Texas? $4223 (How's that for going out with a bang?)
Cost to hear "Sarah Broyles, you are an Ironman!"? Priceless.
Cost to hear "Sarah Broyles, you are an Ironman!"? Priceless.
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